Author Archives: Brandi

Taste of Addison 5k-my first race report!

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Remember how I mentioned I’d been dealing with a sinus infection all week? And how I went on a run Thursday and that prompted a huge coughing fit?

That fit lasted the next two days and nights which means that on Saturday morning (race morning), I had slept like crap, my chest and throat were burning and my stomach muscles ached from all the coughing.

In other words, I wanted to go back to bed more than I wanted to race when the alarm went off yesterday morning.

But…onward we must go so I had what is starting to become my traditional breakfast if I have a morning run-Love Crunch carrot cake granola with almond milk, banana and tea with honey.

I am finding that if I have this meal about an hour before I run, I feel energized and satisfied enough to get through 3-4 miles pretty easily without feeling too full.

race1

Then Jason and I headed to Addison where the race was being held and met up with my friend, Lauri, who is a veteran racer and was nice enough to run this with me for support and encouragement.

So tired (notice the attractive bags under my eyes) but still excited and ready to go:

race 2

I had gotten a lot of good advice from a couple of racing friends before the race and the advice that kept getting reiterated was that the crowd often started out too quickly and to not let myself get pulled into that, especially since I was sick.  Just set my pace and stick with that.

So I did and I have to say, it was a little disheartening at first as I seemed to get passed by everyone-people with strollers, 5 years olds, the elderly, people in wheelchairs (okay, not that last one-it just felt like it). My competitive nature reared it’s head and I was tempted to step it up and push past people but fortunately, reason won out-I knew I didn’t have a whole lot in reserve and I needed to pace myself.

Did I mention it was also almost 90 degrees by race time (8:30am) with almost equal humidity? Conservation was key here.

After the first mile, those that had surged ahead of me started slowly down or walking so I was able to catch up with people as long as I kept a steady pace. Lauri fell in next to me once to check on me and we walked together for a little bit before starting up again and going at our own pace.

I had a podcast in my ears and I found myself needing to just put my head down and go into a zone, letting the podcast help me tune out everything around me. I wonder if that will be my normal race procedure or if this was more because I wasn’t feeling well and needed to focus my energy only on my progress and not on what was going on around me. I guess we’ll find out with the next one.

I let myself take a couple of walk breaks when needed but all in all, was fairly happy with the pace I was able to maintain. My legs felt strong and capable-which was encouraging-and I felt like I would have needed to take less walk breaks had I been less tired.

By the time I was at about 2 miles, the heat and sun were getting a little uncomfortable so I was happy to be turning into the last leg that would get us back to the finish line.

race 3

I crossed the finish line at 40:33 minutes-which is only a few minutes off my normal time for that distance. That is also 545th overall and 45th in my division-solidly mid-pack. Honestly, I couldn’t be more pleased with how I did for my first race!

race 4

The people behind me are pretty pumped too-I’m assuming at my finish.

So that’s it! After the race, Jason and I headed home and picked up Taco Bueno for an after race snack which is probably the exact opposite of what I should have had but it’s what I craved so I went with it. Then it was naptime and we finished off the day by watching the new Star Trek movie (loved it!) and early bedtime.

Lessons from the race:

-Get more wicking/dry weave shirts now. That cotton tank I wore is a fave of mine because it’s soft and comfy but it wasn’t cutting it in the heat.

-Don’t depend on the race provided water stops. Fortunately, I had brought a small bottle with me but I almost didn’t and as hot and muggy as it was, I would have regretted it.

-Race energy is great but it can also be distracting. I need to find a balance between allowing myself to enjoy the fun of a race while still focusing on what I need to do.

The next race is Capt’n Karl’s 10K at Pedernales Falls state park. It’s my first trail race and I cannot WAIT to have that experience!

Jason and I are off on vacation next week so I don’t know how much I’ll be posting before we leave on wednesday-but when I get back you’ll have photos of Grand Cayman island to drool over. ;-)

-Brandi

Don’t wait to stop feeling weak to start working on feeling strong

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My first race bib!

My first race bib!

My very first race is this weekend-and I’ve been so looking forward to my first official experience in the running community.

And then I picked up a sinus infection last sunday and have been down pretty much all week. My appetite and energy flagged, I felt feverish, my chest and throat hurt from hacking up green stuff (sorry) and was obviously not been doing any running. So now I’m facing my first race still not completely well and kind of weak, undernourished and without that last week of training.

Frustrating to say the least.

But I’m determined to do this race so I decided to try a run tonight. Not the entire distance, but even just a mile or two to prepare my body for the race on saturday morning. Really, my body could have used another day or two before I ran again but I didn’t have that kind of time so I made sure to eat better today, get plenty of water and then laced up my shoes and hoped for the best.

And I realized something. I need to stop pampering myself so much. Now, I don’t mean I should have pushed myself to run a few days ago when I had a fever. That would have been stupid and just delayed the healing process. But honestly? I think the self care message spiraling around out there on the interwebs has been taken too far.

Before I get into this, let me just say, I am not suggesting that someone who is dealing with an illness or trauma or injury should stop with the self care. What I’m talking is my experience as a reasonably healthy, able bodied human. Okay?

Having said that, in the last several years, especially in the blog world (at least many that I read), I’ve seen a lot of messages about practicing self care that involved words like gentle and peace and pampering and kindness and ease.

All beautiful words. All perfectly valid intentions. But regardless of the intention of those delivering the message, what I internalized was a message of backing off. Cocooning. There was a time when that message was much needed. I can be a perfectionist, someone who will stubbornly stick with something way past the point of what’s healthy, who will push herself to the breaking point (emotionally and physically). I often refused to ask for help and support, no matter how much I needed it. (I’m still not that great about it-but I’m better.)

A message that told me it’s okay not to do it all, to ask for help, to allow myself rest was a message I needed to hear. But I took it too far. I allowed too much comfort, gave myself too much leeway.

Nothing gets accomplished in comfort. 

To do what I want to do, I can’t always wait until I feel great, completely rested, happy. Pampering is no longer a luxury that is helpful at this point in my life. There is a balance, of course, as proper rest and care is needed.

But it’s time to get rid of the cushion, meet the edges.

I think that’s where we find ourselves. In the mush. In the discomfort, in the nothing feels quite right but I’m doing it anyway. I think in it we find so much capability than we ever realized.

Which is all a way of me saying that the run went much better than my expectations but was immediately followed up with a coughing-to-the-point-of-gagging fit. :)

Totally worth it. I’m standing a little taller, having found a little more in myself today. Going 26.2 miles feels a little more feasible.

 

Fuel

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me snacking on my breakfast black bean and guac burrito

me snacking on my breakfast black bean and guac burrito

Something strange is happening now that I’ve started running.

The way I eat is changing in a way that seems almost effortless.

I have been active all my life-played sports in high school, became a gym rat in college, found yoga after college and have kept a regular yoga practice for 11 years or so (am even a certified yoga teacher).

And while I have many healthy eating habits (love vegetables, avoid red meat, eat organic where I can), I also have plenty of crappy habits too (Dr. Pepper and Taco Bueno being two of them. Oh and reeses peanut butter cups. And brownies. You get the idea.) and those habits seemed permanently ingrained, no matter how active or healthy I was otherwise or how much I tried to break them.

Yet, I find myself wanting to put way less crap in my body these days. What used to be a 3 Dr Pepper a day habit is now maybe a 3 Dr Pepper a week habit. I am going out for lunch or dinner WAY less and am eating more healthy, basic food at home.

It’s been a nice surprise, honestly. Previously, I often told myself that I really should stop drinking so much soda and cut down on fast food but honestly, I didn’t really want to. Now I find myself WANTING to change how I eat because of how what I feed myself affects how I run.

If I eat crap, running feels like slogging through knee deep mud dragging a week’s worth of provisions behind me. When I eat well, running becomes easier and I can go further and longer. And I want to go further, longer.

It’s kind of an ironic saying since I’m talking about eating healthy, but as far as running goes, It seems I’ve totally drank the koolade.

My world famous guacamole recipe (and by ‘world famous’, I mean it’s a constant request at work functions):

Two medium ripe avocados

tabasco green chile sauce

jalapeno salt

garlic powder

onion powder

cilantro

Mash avocados. While mashing, add 5 to 8 dashes of the tabasco sauce (to taste) and a couple of dashes of the salt, garlic and onion powder. Add about a half tsp of cilantro and mix well. Taste and add more seasoning as desired. Consume completely and immediately. :)

Running (the love and the fear)

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I rounded this tree on a run and literally stopped in my tracks. I think it is majestic.

I rounded the corner on a trail run and literally stopped in my tracks. I think this tree is majestic.

I’ve been running fairly consistently for 5 or 6 weeks now. As seems to happen with major shifts in my life, I realized that I don’t know exactly when I started this new endeavor so I don’t have a specific date to commemorate and that makes me sort of sad. At the same time, it seems to be integral to my nature that I have to develop the habit of a new passion/interest/life shift for a few weeks before it ‘sticks’ and I start talking about it.

Is that weird? That’s probably weird.

Anyway, in that short amount of time, I have already seen my mileage go up, my body get stronger and my priorities shift. I know I have so much to learn as I continue but I wanted to share what I have learned, what I love and what I fear about this new found passion so far:

Things that are scary about running:

1. Injury. Probably my biggest concern. You can’t be involved in running for too long without hearing about injuries-from fairly minor (black toenails and blisters) to major surgeries. I’ve been reading about and watching videos on proper form and have signed up for a running form class held at my local Run On. I bought decent shoes and took the time to get them fitted properly. Otherwise, I’m just hoping for the best.

2. 26.2 miles. TWENTY-SIX POINT TWO MILES. As I mentioned in my last post, I have committed to running a 5K, 10K, half marathon and full marathon within a year (you can read more about it on the Nothing Special Tour page). That’s a lot of ground to cover.

Right now I can run about 3-4 miles sort of comfortably (by that I mean, I don’t feel like I’m going to die afterwards) which is about 1/10 of the distance of a marathon. I can’t even picture what 26.2 miles feels like. My brain cannot grasp the idea of me running that distance all at once. So I’m dealing with this fear mainly by just trying just to think about the next mileage increment. In other words, I’m totally in denial.

3. I can’t think of a third thing. That’s probably good right?

Things I love about running:

1. Trails. There seems to be a distinction among runners on whether you are a road runner or a trail runner- those that run on dirt/nature trails and not on roads. After my first trail run, my first thought was that I’ll never run on roads again. In fact, the only road race I’ve signed up for is my first one-the 5K. After that, pavement and I can go our separate ways. I realize some people love road runs and there is something for everyone, but once I found trails, I now think road runners are crazy (love ya though!).

I’m a nature geek to begin with so it makes sense that being out in nature, running under tree limbs and over logs, dodging mud puddles and looking out for snakes (I didn’t have to look very hard the other day-I practically tripped over one. YIKES! Now that I think about it, that probably should be listed under ‘fears’) is right up my hippie granola tree hugger alley.

2. Those moments of freedom. I don’t know if it’s the runner’s high that you hear about. All I know is that for a few moments of each run, I feel light, smooth, open, free. I feel no strain, my breath evens out, I seem to be in the flow. These moments are fleeting right now but they are part of the reason I keep running, to find them again.

3. The way my body feels after a run. Occasionally I push it too hard and feel it in my joints the next day. But as long as I don’t overdo it, I feel like a warrior after a run. Not only physically, but mentally. My body feels looser, stronger, longer. My brain feels clearer.

I am beginning to understand why there are some that believe we were meant to be runners. There is something about how I feel after a run that seems to tap into a primal part of myself. This happens no matter how good the run was or how much I struggled through it-either way it feels like I accomplished something greater than myself.

4. Camaraderie. I’ve started running with a friend about once a week or so and man does it make a difference. Time and miles go by quicker and are more fun when you have someone to talk to, someone to share the experience. Doing this more often is now a priority!

Do you love running? What do you love about it?

The Nothing Special Tour (doing the thing you think you cannot do)

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Me and my toe socks (love them!)

Me and my toe socks (love them!)

I’m going to run a marathon. The thing I don’t know if I can do.

But here’s the thing, a marathon was the thing that I always said, I could never do that, just like people would tell me that they could never go through a rehabilitation like we did with Keely.

And I would tell people, YES YOU CAN. There is nothing special about us, nothing that makes us more capable of going through the process than anyone else. So it seems to me that if I really believe that anyone has it in them to rehabilitate (or foster, or adopt) an animal  (or be involved in any worthy cause for that matter), then I can make it through a marathon.

I’m scared. But the imaginal cells have been multiplying. I feel now like this has been a long time coming. So I’m trusting the process.

IN fact, I’m so crazy trusting the process so much that I’m not just doing a marathon. No no. The goal is to do a 5K, 10K, half marathon and full marathon in a year (I started running so I will need to complete a marathon by April of 2014).

I’m calling this the Nothing Special Tour and I’ve created a page about it if you are interested. By doing this thing, this crazy I-can’t-do-this-thing, I hope to encourage others to do the same in their lives. Maybe that means rescuing/adopting an animal (as that is obviously close to my heart) but it’s not necessarily about that. It’s about realizing the only boundaries we have are the ones we put on ourselves.

And since rescue is so very important to me, I will be adding donation buttons to the Nothing Special Tour page where you can donate to my efforts. All money will be going to rescue organizations close to my heart (they are listed on the page).

I’ll be keeping you posted as things progress. The first race is in a couple of weeks-I’m excited!

-Brandi

This is no mamby-pamby blog (a post about mud)

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This is the best I could get them to look after a muddy trail run a few weeks ago

This is the best I could get them to look after a muddy trail run a few weeks ago

*If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’ll notice that this blog looks very different. Mainly, all the other posts are gone! Not to worry, they are just changed to private (not deleted) as I feel a very strong need to go completely in this new direction/love/passion. You can check out the updated ABOUT section for where my head and heart are these days.

I want to make it very clear that this will not be some rah-rah blog that about achieving your dreams if you JUST BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH!

I think this process-this imaginal process-is a real thing. I think there is much to learn about this process and how it works and how it can be utilized in our lives to bring forward transformation. And dammit, I want to explore every bit of it!

But here’s the thing. Before caterpillars can become butterflies, they must first spin into a cocoon and then literally dissolve into mush. I going to assume that’s more disconcerting and uncomfortable than going to work with a hangover.

So exploring the imaginal process is going to be about exploring the hard parts of the journey. In fact, I’m saying right here that I think the hard parts are not only unavoidable, they are NECESSARY.

And there’s where I think I get tripped up on a lot of inspirational/motivational type sources. Something about the idea that all my wishes will come true if I say enough affirmations or in the ‘right’ ways or if I align my chakras and clear my chi has never rang true to me. And the reason it never rang true for me is that I never saw that happening in real life.

I think to really transform, you have to go through mud. There has to be parts where you doubt yourself or want to give up or lose sight of why you are making the transformation to begin with.

And more than that, I want to talk about those parts. I want to take the fear out of them.

A few weeks ago I did a trail run near a local lake, We’d gotten a lot of rain the night before and the ground was soft and muddy in many parts. In some areas I could run around the mud but there were some places where I just had to slog through it. The thing is, I knew the mud would wash off when I was done with my run. It’s not permanent and I think the hard parts of transformation aren’t either.

-Brandi

A ‘sudden’ transformation

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You know how people seem to go through sudden transformations? Like you turn around and they’ve come up with this great idea that’s getting a lot of attention in the blogsphere or they lose weight and look fabulous or it seems in a blink of an eye they are zooming up the corporate ladder.

Must be nice right? At least that’s what I muttered under my breath in my less stellar moments.

I get it now though. I see clearly.

These people went through what I have started calling the imaginal process.

See, a caterpillar is just inching along, munching on leaves all fat and happy (for the purpose of this story, the caterpillar looks like one from A Bug’s Life) when in his body, cells that scientists call imaginal cells start to show up One or two at first but then more and more until the caterpillar, without really knowing why, gets this urge to spin itself into a cocoon.

Then he dissolves into mush. That’s probably a little unnerving.

Those imaginal cells, they have a purpose, and that is to take what was there and make new and different. Not long after, the cocoon breaks open and out climbs a butterfly.

It seems awfully sudden. And miraculous.

Yet I see now that it took work and energy and time. And I believe we go through a similar process in our transformations, though the external changes might not be quite as extreme.

I think that if you think back to the big changes in your life, you will see that you started out much like the caterpillar. The first imaginal cell of an idea appeared-say running a marathon- and maybe you dismissed it as crazy. You didn’t have the time or you didn’t know how to train or you don’t have the drive needed to complete 26 miles. Seriously. But for some reason, you’d think about it every once in awhile and then maybe you’d read an article running and that documentary on running just sucked you in.

Still overwhelming though and seriously, you couldn’t possibly find the time. But more and more the imaginal cells pop up-conversations with coworkers, some pin on pinterest that really inspires you. ‘All of a sudden’ the fear or overwhelm disappears and you find yourself acting. Before you know it, you are already running 10 miles on the weekend and what used to drag your breath from you and shake your kneecaps becomes more routine.

There was a lot of work in there right? Fear and sore muscles and lungs bursting and fatigue. Probably felt like dissolving into mush sometimes. But you transform, become something different.

This idea came to me as I was musing on a transformation that my husband and I had been blessed to be part of. And I realized that what I wanted to do most in this world was share with people that they can do the things they think they can not do. That they don’t have to be special, wait to be a ‘better’ person, have the answers or know what the hell they are doing to make a real impact in their life or the life of someone/something else.

This realization has helped usher in a transformation of my own. I want to take this idea and wring it for everything it has. I want to test the process in my life, I want to explore those who have employed it, I want to talk about effective ways to change and hopefully, encourage others to do the thing they think they cannot do as well.

So this blog is going to be changing. I will share with you whatever I learn. Freely. Because if we all allow for this process in our life, then we become imaginal cells for the world, transforming it into something more beautiful, kinder, stronger, freer.

Welcome to the Imaginal Project.