It’s been awhile right?
I’m now on week 3 of no running at all per chiro’s instructions. The knee isn’t getting better and while it’s not inflamed and in pain, I can also tell it will be if I push it more than a couple of miles. It’s just twingy and weak and not where it needs to be to actual run any real miles so for the last couple of weeks I’ve basically been a whiny nutjob and trying not to claw out my own eyeballs.
But what I’m realizing is that this is probably the best thing for me (and yes, I can actually type that now without any sarcasm). A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to say that but now that I’ve had some time, I’ve managed to get into the acceptance part of grieving (dramatic much?) and figure out a few things.
First: I doubt this is going to be the year of the badass. Maybe if I’m lucky it will be the year of building a foundation so that maybe someday I can be a badass.
Second: my dreams of an ultramarathon may take even longer than I thought and I had a pretty lenient time line in my head. The dream is still there though and this time off has made it clear that it’s not going away.
Third: I’ve had an opportunity to learn some balance, literally and figuratively. I’ve deepened my yoga practice (am actually back at a studio again!) and have also realized that I am actually looking forward to doing things on weekends. Seeing bands or going to museums or art festivals or hanging out with friends. For most of 2014, my life was focused on training for something or and a big enough chunk of my time was spent running in the woods-this left me tired enough that I didn’t really want to do anything else.
I’ve made running my be-all-end-all and maybe that’s not the way it should be. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to get out in my woods but I’m at a point where I WANT my life to be more than running and that’s a HUGE step for me.
Fourth: Stepping away from the computer has been hugely helpful in this process. While I haven’t gone completely dark-I still intermittently interact with friends and family on facebook and IG-I’ve spent way less time endlessly scrolling through my various social media channels and constantly checking blogs (and comparing myself to them). And it’s been WONDERFUL. Yet another lesson in balance, I’m sure. But I don’t know what that balance point is so for the time being, the radio silence will continue and I don’t know if/when/where/how I’ll be back on line.
So there ya go. I’ve wanted to write this post for awhile-while I don’t have a ton of readers, I wanted to let anyone interested know what’s up. Happy running you guys-see you on the flip side-